Secrets
by VickyVicarious
Summary: At age eight, Natsume goes to live with the grandmother he's never met, Reiko. A series of shorts regarding various aspects of their lives as Natsume grows up. AU.
1. Home

Written for the Book of Friends: Natsume Yuujinchou Exchange, in response to **aishiteru**'s prompt for an AU wherein a still-living Reiko takes Natsume in.

This will be in the format of a series of short snippets of Natsume's life with Reiko as he grows older.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Summary: <strong>Eight-year-old Natsume arrives at the house of yet another relative who has agreed to take him in. Something is different this time, though.

**Home**

The woman isn't terribly old, but she looks it because her hair is long and wild and grey. She's not ugly – actually, she's very good-looking for her age, with very few lines on her face, but something about the look in her eyes is warning enough to stay away, or something mysterious and unpleasant might befall you in the near future.

Natsume wonders, halfheartedly, if she is a witch. The other half of him wonders if she is one of those things he's not supposed to see, not supposed to mention – certainly not supposed to be choked, chased, or chomped on by. It doesn't really occur to him that she could be fully human – there's a strange quality in the air around her, a sort of buzzing presence that prickles at the edges of Natsume's awareness. It's a little scary, but somehow familiar, too, and not all bad.

"So," she says. "You're my grandkid, huh."

Natsume stares up at her for a long moment, eyes unfocused. Well, to anyone else they'd seem unfocused – he's actually watching the long, thin wisp of shadow wearing a mask with three eyes on it, swooping through the air behind her. But he gathers his control up quickly, blinks his attention back to her, and nods quietly.

She stares at him.

His hands tighten on the straps of his backpack.

"I wouldn't be taking you in," she says, abruptly turning to lead the way into the house, "if I hadn't heard that you'd already been through just about every other branch of the family there is. They told me you have problems."

Natsume might have been upset to hear this, even as little as two years ago. But he's learned a lot about how the world works in the past several years, and he understands that there are many reasons his grandmother might have for never having even visited before. Despite the fact that she is his closest relative, he's been told that she and his mother had a falling-out before he was born and she'd lost all contact with his family for some time. Also, as she said, he causes problems for the people who take him in. No old lady would want to have to deal with that, with a boy who talks to things that don't exist, and attracts bad luck like a carcass does flies. He's not angry that she's only accepting him into her home as some kind of last resort.

"I heard you lie all the time," the woman says. "And you do bad things to the people who take care of you. And you talk to the empty air, and yell in public, and throw fits for no reason, and hurt yourself."

Natsume doesn't deny it.

She uses her cane – a long, smooth piece of wood covered in various symbols and many small strips of paper, which she hasn't used for balance at all so far – to knock open the door at the end of the hall. It slams loudly into the wall, revealing a small, but tidy bedroom.

"This'll be yours," the old lady grunts. "Go put your stuff inside."

Natsume stares at the doorway, and bites his lip. "I'm okay."

"Do as I say! Put your things inside so we can finish up here."

Natsume doesn't reply for a long moment, busy doing some math. If he counts the two hours he waited for her to come get him from the train station, and the walk here, then this won't actually be the shortest amount of time he's ever stayed with someone. It's pretty close, though.

"I… I can't go in," Natsume murmurs, ducking his head. "There's a big head in the way."

The old woman's breath hitches. After a short pause, she speaks while Natsume examines the floor. "Already causing trouble? …His name isn't 'Big Head'. It's 'Big Nose'."

The big head taking up the entire room frowns, and grumbles, "That's not it, either…" in a voice deep enough to crack boulders.

Natsume slowly looks up. He first blinks at the big head, then at the old woman. She is staring back at him with an odd expression, something all mixed up between sadness and loneliness and happiness and hatred and a little bit of understanding, all at once.

"I hate people, and I hate formality," she finally says, brandishing her cane at the big head. "Get lost," she tells it, and in a bright flash of light, it does.

"So I don't want you calling me 'obaasan', understand? I'm Reiko! Natsume Reiko! And you, kid?"

Natsume hesitates for a long time, unsure if she really doesn't know his name or if this is just a formality, then whispers, "Natsume Takashi."

Her smile, when it unfolds, is wide and welcoming, like a sunny spring morning just after a very harsh winter. It registers like a cool breeze on Natsume's temple, like warm arms encircling him and never letting go, like a secret finally shared.

"Welcome home, Takashi," says Reiko.


	2. Friends

**Chapter Summary:** Natsume has a little difficulty settling in to his new home.

**Friends**

Reiko, much like her grandson, has a reputation for being weird and eerie, as Natsume soon learns. After class ends on his first day, Natsume is approached by an excitable group of his classmates. He's used to this fascination with a transfer student, and knows that it's not so much about him personally as it is the novelty of seeing a new face. The popularity always dies down quickly, especially when there are youkai in the area.

Usually, though, the fascination is centered around Natsume's own past – where he has come from, why he's moved here, what it was like in his old town – most questions that Natsume can only give vague answers to, for fear of being called a liar again. He's used to that. He wasn't expecting to be approached by a boy with messy brown hair who asks if he's living with that _witch_ as though the single word is all the description necessary.

Well, it sort of is, though.

When Natsume says yes, the boy introduces himself and his friend, and asks Natsume to invite them over sometime to search her house for the tools of her trade. Natsume smiles politely and says, "No, thank you."

This reaction is partially automatic, as Natsume's already well in the habit of deflecting any sort of attention away from him. Besides that, he is not willing to allow anyone to mock his grandmother – not that it would bother her. Reiko is utterly unaffected by the neighborhood's scorn, a facet of her personality Natsume would envy if it weren't for the way she scorns them right back, evident in the expression on her face as she had walked him home from the train station that first night.

Natsume doesn't mind that, though. She may be cold and stiff, but she sees what he sees, and that makes all the difference. When he first arrived, he had been so overjoyed to find someone who shared in his ability, that he had naively assumed they would become inseparable confidants. It takes only a few short, sharp conversations with Reiko over the first week of living with her to understand that such a thing will never come to be. Reiko has no trust left, in anyone, and she only took Natsume in due to his similarities and blood-relation to her. She understands what he has gone through, but only to a point due to their differing personalities, and she is not willing to open up to him or to allow him to open up to her. Though he had hoped for more, Natsume treasures his current relationship with Reiko regardless, even if he is almost certain that she cares very little for him at all.

She still took him in. That's what matters most.

So Natsume spends his days alone, keeping his distance from the other children at school (frequently fending off the brown-haired boy's repeated requests to visit his house) and trying not to get in Reiko's way at home. He knows that she often finds him aggravating – Reiko can't seem to stand Natsume's good manners and careful attitude around her. It probably doesn't help that, despite not being allowed to call her 'obaasan', Natsume really isn't comfortable calling her 'Reiko' so easily. Instead he says 'obasan', on the rare occasions he talks to her at all, and watches her expression twitch with irritation every time he does.

It's not much of a problem, though, because Reiko is rarely around when Natsume is. He doesn't know what she does for a living, but it must be very demanding, as Reiko often returns home after the sun has set. Natsume makes sure that he doesn't leave any mess out to get in her way.

After a week of this, Natsume is starting to feel a little lonely. He shouldn't be, he knows that – the fact that Reiko is providing him with a home ought to be more than enough for him. And he hasn't been attacked by any youkai so far. Natsume should be feeling _happy_. But instead he's lonely and plagued with just as many nightmares as before, and wanting so much to go to Reiko and talk to her, to see her smile again, to return from school every day to her waiting for him and telling him 'welcome home'.

Natsume wants too much, but he doesn't make any attempts to get it, because more than any of that, he wants to stay here. Even if Reiko never says another word to him, simply knowing that she can see what he does is comfort enough. Natsume is terrified of leaving this place, but experience has taught him just how likely that possibility is, just how important it is for him not to push his boundaries.

He is resigned to that, to reality. Natsume might want so much more, but he doesn't actually expect to get any of it… so it's a surprise when one day Reiko is home for dinner. They eat in near-silence after his unacknowledged compliment of the food, the only sound the scrape of their chopsticks: Natsume's quiet and even, Reiko's fast-paced and hard.

Reiko finishes first and drops her dishes in the sink with a clatter. Natsume tries to eat a little faster in order to catch up, and she leans against the fridge to cross her arms over her chest and watch him. Her expression is unreadable, but deep thought and a sort of sadness lurk behind her eyes. Eventually, she says, "You can bring your friends over sometime, if you want."

It takes a strong effort not to jerk in his seat. Instead, Natsume goes completely still. A kind of crazy energy thrums through his veins as he says, "I… don't want to bother you."

Reiko snorts. Her fingers tapping rapidly against her arm reveal how uncomfortable she feels. "This is your house too, Takashi. You're ten already, be bolder."

Natsume decides not to tell her that he is only eight. Nor does he mention how warm and almost dazey being told _this is his house too_ feels, like a daydream under the summer sun. Instead, he smiles, and makes sure she sees it. "Thank you, obasan. If I make any friends, I'll ask you if they can come visit."

"The whole point is that you don't need to ask. …And call me _Reiko_."

Natsume nods, then stiffens when a rough hand lands on his shoulder in a hesitant pat. It's gone before he can relax into the touch, and Reiko is already rounding the corner without another word.

He wishes he hadn't flinched. Maybe then she would have stayed longer. But then, if she had, she would have noticed the way his eyes are getting blurry. Natsume stares down hard at his plate, trying not to let any moisture fall. The smile on his face is a little too shaky for its width, a little too fragile, but that's okay. Natsume's shoulder feels warm where Reiko touched it, and her voice was – under the usual brusqueness – almost kind.

Maybe she cares more than he thought.

Eventually, Natsume sniffs one last time and stands to wash the dishes and slip quietly upstairs to his room to do homework. The next day at lunch, when the brown-haired boy asks his usual question, Natsume smiles his normal polite smile, nerves fluttering in his gut.

"If... If you really want to come, it's okay," he mutters, just barely audible. "My grandmother said my friends could visit."

The boy stares at him for a long time, then grins widely back, displaying a piece of seaweed trapped between his teeth. "How creepy. She probably wants to eat us. My name's Nishimura, let's be good friends!"

At this, Natsume's smile softens into something much more genuine, something bruised and yet still hopeful, and he doesn't notice but it makes Nishimura smile a little softer back. "Okay."

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Notes: <strong>

Reiko's job (no clue yet what it might be, any ideas?) is not actually that demanding. She's mostly just beating up youkai instead of coming home at a reasonable time.

Of course, she is infamous in town. Nishimura seems like the type to get very excited about the local neighborhood 'witch' and try very hard to prove her witchy activities. He's been trying to figure out a way in her house without getting murdered for ages, thoroughly annoying Kitamoto in the process. Natsume's arrival is just the chance he's been waiting for.


	3. Unpacking

**Chapter Summary: **Natsume's belongings arrive, and he takes a step forward.

**Unpacking**

A month after moving in with Reiko, the rest of Natsume's things arrive in the mail. He doesn't have much, just two cardboard boxes. Until now he's managed with the contents of his backpack: a single school uniform, a set of pyjamas, and a few casual clothes, as well as the necessary basic toiletries and school supplies. It has been very much like living in someone else's home rather than his own, with a relentless feeling of temporariness, and if Natsume weren't long used to such a thing, he'd have hated it.

As it is, Natsume is simply glad to finally receive his own belongings. He hasn't unpacked most of them in some time; after a long string of short stays, Natsume simply got into the habit of removing only what he needed and leaving the rest of his belongings carefully packed away until he next had to move on. The last time he'd unpacked all of his things had been when he was living in a small, flower-cluttered apartment with a distant aunt of his, a kind woman who smiled at Natsume and stroked his hair.

Natsume had liked it there; he would close his eyes and pretend it was him she was seeing, not the little girl depicted in the photograph behind the mortuary tablet on her altar. The scent of alcohol around her was overpowered by the flowers, and Natsume became willfully blind – he unpacked his boxes and selfishly wanted nothing to ever change.

But one morning his second uncle picked him up from school and took him away from there without an explanation, and he never saw that woman again or heard any news about her – though, he never asked. When Natsume's things were finally sent to him at his uncle's house, they had been packed roughly and the frame for Natsume's only picture of his parents had broken. Ever since then Natsume has held himself ready for sudden departure, and hasn't dared to remove anything truly important to him from the boxes for any longer than a few hours. Some of his relatives find this rude, but Natsume thinks it's far better to be prepared, just in case.

Leaving the majority of his belongings packed away has been a matter of course, but now Natsume finds himself hesitating. He kneels in front of the boxes with a craft knife in his hand, uncertain how to proceed, and his heart is beating hard.

He feels a little silly. Natsume realizes that he is thinking too much about this. But it feels too monumental, too terrifying, too easy to think of just being taken away one day, never to see his belongings again because they will have been lost or broken.

If Reiko knew he was putting so much thought into this, she would probably laugh that gruff, rude, lonely laughter of hers. The thought is – like Reiko herself – a little comforting, sad, and scary all at once, and it makes Natsume's chest feel too tight, his breath coming short.

He clicks the knife shut, and walks carefully down the stairs, sitting on the bottom step to watch the door. It's foolish to wait for Reiko to arrive home, because there's no way to predict what time she'll arrive, but Natsume doesn't care. He wants to be there, no matter how long he has to wait.

When she eventually walks in the front door, banging it shut behind her and roughly toeing her shoes off, he stands up and takes a step forward. She mutters an automatic, "I'm home," under her breath, more to the wooden floorboards than to him, but Natsume's breath catches anyway.

"W-welcome back," he says for the first time, and his voice is mostly steady. Natsume feels extremely vulnerable and more than a little bit childish.

But Reiko's gaze is heavy, and thoughtful, and looks to hold many secrets. "I haven't heard that since…" She trails off, then scowls and adds, "It's been a month! What took you so long? Impudent brat."

Natsume opens his mouth to respond somehow, but Reiko is already brushing past, using her cane to nudge him out of her way. "Shoo."

He turns to watch her enter the kitchen, dropping her coat on the table and glaring at the contents of the fridge. This is foolish, but… he has friends here now, and she's told him before that this is his home too, and she sees what he sees, and maybe that will be enough.

"My things came so… I'm unpacking today," Natsume announces, trembling a little, and although Reiko merely hums and bends down into the fridge to retrieve the beginnings of a meal, he feels very brave. "I'm throwing my boxes away."

He turns around and goes upstairs after that, not quite seeing the way Reiko closes the fridge door and turns to watch him, eyes narrowed and lips pressed thin together. He doesn't notice her quietly following after him, either, nor the way she leans against his open doorway and watches as he cuts open the first box and starts removing clothes, books, and a single picture without a frame.

Natsume hardly looks at it for a moment, before quickly folding it and tucking it away into a book. He does so rather roughly, features twisted up into something dark and painful – but then he hides the book away in the closet with evident care, and Reiko laughs out loud.

"My grandson is an idiot," she comments loudly when he jumps and stares at her wide-eyed, before turning to leave.

But she doesn't go very far; Reiko remains in the hallway, listening to the sounds of Natsume settling in to stay, and eventually murmurs to herself, in a tone almost pleased: "…Welcome home."


	4. Cat

**Chapter Summary:** Reiko goes out of town for the weekend, and Natsume brings home a pet. First part of two (meaning this will tie in directly to the next chapter).

**Cat (1/2)**

"I'll be back on Monday. Don't make a mess of the house," Reiko says, and leaves without looking back. Natsume watches her go with his tongue hovering against his teeth, unsure what to say, if anything.

He doesn't want her to go, but he also doesn't want to seem selfish. And he's not ready yet to tell her of the danger lurking in this calm little town, because he thinks she is the cause as well as the only protection he has.

There are always youkai. Natsume didn't expect otherwise, and while most of them tend to keep their distance from humans, there are inevitably those malevolent or curious ones that bother him no matter where he goes. Still, this place is altogether different. The youkai are more predominant than ever before, and they watch him with a dangerous intent.

Nothing has attacked Natsume yet. In fact the only large youkai he's seen up close was the one that Reiko had waiting in his room the day he arrived. But that's been changing lately. The youkai seem to be growing bolder, and Natsume can see them whispering in the trees outside his school sometimes, or he'll feel something following him on the way home. Last weekend, when he was exploring the woods with Kitamoto and Nishimura, something half the height of the trees focused its single eye on Natsume, and smiled to reveal rows upon rows of very sharp teeth, and then it called out his grandmother's name.

Luckily, there was a shrine nearby, and they had been walking long enough for Natsume's excuse about needing to rest to be believable, but he's scared now. He has wanted to tell Reiko, but he wasn't sure how best to do so, and now she's going to be gone for three days and Natsume is afraid.

He wants to just stay inside, but it's Friday and he's got to go to school. Natsume has had a fairly spotty attendance record in the past, not to mention the various disruptive behaviors he's displayed in class, and he's changed schools so often that at times it's hard to keep up. He really can't afford to miss class, so he takes a deep breath and locks the door behind him.

He should have just stayed home.

Normally, Natsume joins Nishimura and Kitamoto about halfway to school. Today, every youkai seems to know Reiko is gone, and it's not even ten minutes before the first one attempts to take advantage of her absence. Natsume is soon lost, as he has been many times in the past, running at a full sprint through the forest, trying desperately to remember where the nearest temple is.

He can't recall, but he stumbles into one in a stroke of luck that suddenly seems much less lucky when he realizes he's tripped across a barrier and broken it, allowing whatever it was containing to escape.

Natsume can do nothing but hope that the spirit won't hurt him; if he leaves the shrine, he will definitely be caught by the murderous youkai lurking just outside. He clenches his hands tight around his knees and breathes deeply. It's been a while since he was this terrified, but he hasn't forgotten the feeling. His fate depends entirely on the spirit about to emerge from its bindings.

He's so keyed up about this that Natsume actually laughs a little in relief when it turns out just to be a fat old maneki-neko. He relaxes more than he really should – appearances mean very little, when it comes to youkai – but luckily it appears to find him interesting enough not to eat on the spot.

"Hmm," it muses, sniffing the air, "you smell familiar. Powerful. And… is that… Natsume Reiko!?"

"My grandmother," Natsume offers, but that's all he's willing to give. The youkai talks about time passing, those familiar lines about human lifetimes being much too short, and Natsume is careful not to mention that Reiko is still alive, just in case. The information might actually help him, but it might hurt just as easily, and Natsume is too tired of getting hurt because he's made himself vulnerable.

He just too tired of all of this.

But then the youkai asks him about something called 'the Book of Friends' before dashing off, and Natsume is too curious to leave it alone. Especially when the youkai had just told him Reiko had no friends, and no human had ever understood her. The cat must have been locked up for years, but somehow Natsume is sure that hasn't changed. The distance between Reiko and everyone else sizzles through the air constantly, a painfully familiar dissonance.

Ever since he moved in with his grandmother, Natsume has felt like he might be able to change. To be fully accepted by at least one person, which might sound pitiful but it's so much more than he's ever had before and it's like a door opening wide and letting in a soft summer breeze. Reiko has changed him already, by her simple presence but also with her wordless _understanding_ of certain things. All the comforting words in the world could never quite match up to the knowledge in Reiko's eyes when she greets him in the morning, the way she never asks if he slept well but just smirks a bit sadly and keeps eating her breakfast.

Natsume knows it's probably foolish and useless, but he wants to understand her too. Even if they never grow any closer than they are now, even if he never tells her what he discovers – maybe figuring out what this 'Book of Friends' is will help him understand Reiko a little more. Maybe that understanding will help her someday, even just a bit. That alone would make this worth it.

So Natsume looks for the Book of Friends. Surprisingly, it's not at all difficult to find – it's just sitting there on her desk, right in plain sight. Natsume grabs it and hightails it out of Reiko's bedroom, retreating into his own room and sighing gently in relief once he's slid the door shut behind him. He has never been in his grandmother's bedroom before. He wishes he hadn't had to now, either. His skin had started crawling the moment he stepped inside, as though something had been watching him.

Probably something had.

The Book of Friends at first seems to be nothing more than page after page of meaningless scribbles. But soon enough Natsume realizes the drawings are actually names; he doesn't hear or read them so much as he just _knows_ them. He doesn't have any time to wonder at what this might mean, though, because it turns out he was being watched after all. The cat youkai is back, snarling for the book, and Natsume only just manages to duck the first attack. Soon enough he's scooped up the book and started running.

He careens down the stairs, wincing at the youkai crashing into the walls behind him – he wasn't able to do the one thing Reiko requested, keeping the house clean. But that's the least of his worries right now and Natsume keeps running. It doesn't take long to reach the forest, but it also doesn't take long for the spirit to become fully enraged.

"Hand it over _now_," it snarls, voice deepening on the last word. With a puff of smoke it's suddenly huge, and it smacks a gigantic paw down over Natsume's chest, pinning him to the ground and driving the breath out of him in one. Claws almost the length of his hand rest delicately on his throat.

He's probably going to die here. Natsume doesn't know how often he has had that thought in his life – too often – but it's never been as vivid as now. He is going to die without ever understanding his grandmother. She will come home on Monday and her house will be wrecked, her book stolen and her idiot grandson dead. And that will hurt her – Natsume may not know Reiko very well yet but somehow he is very sure right now that his death will hurt her at least a small amount. Of course, she won't cry. If anything she'll laugh, but it will be even bitterer than usual, and the thought aches deep inside his chest.

And suddenly, his fear is gone.

The youkai starts to say something angry about humans always wanting power, but Natsume cuts it off.

"STOP IT," he shouts, and slams his fist wildly into its face. It tumbles back, clutching its head. But though Natsume would normally use this chance to keep running, this time he doesn't. Instead, he clutches the Book of Friends to his chest and yells some more. "I don't even know what this thing is! I could care less about whatever power it has! But it belongs to my grandmother and I'll never let you have it!"

The youkai has gone quiet and still, watching Natsume closely. He knows he should run, but it's like the words are pouring out of his mouth of their own volition. Even after he stops shouting, he can't help but go on, voice shaking with an unstable mix of anger and sadness.

"You said no one ever understood Reiko, and that she never had any human friends. Well, neither did I, not until I met her. She's… I've lived with so many relatives, but she's the only one who's ever said this was my home too. And I – I want to help her. I want to understand her. I don't know what this book is, but it's for youkai, right? I think, if just one 'person' could be her friend… maybe she wouldn't be so lonely."

Natsume falls silent. He didn't want to say that. He doesn't ever want to think that Reiko is anything less than satisfied with her current life, because she is so brash and terrifying and wonderful. She seems so very sure in everything she does, and he wants to think that's because she has chosen this life for herself. He doesn't want her to be lonely. Despite knowing it's not that simple, despite knowing the very fact that she understands him so well means she probably isn't very happy being so alone no matter how she encourages it, Natsume _wants_ that for her. It feels almost like a betrayal to admit the reality is anything different.

"…You little brat," the youkai rumbles after a long pause. "You told me Reiko was dead."

"I never said that," Natsume says. "You thought that all on your own. She's just out of town."

For another long minute, they just stare at each other. Then the youkai says, "Well, there's no point in taking the Book if she's still alive. But you – what's your name?"

"I'm Natsume Takashi."

The youkai hums thoughtfully and stares at Natsume some more. For some reason its gaze reminds him vividly of Reiko – and then in another puff of smoke, it becomes nothing more than a fat cat once more. The cat climbs into Natsume's arms, ignoring his surprise and the way he frantically scrambles the Book of Friends away from it.

"What are you doing?" Natsume asks.

"You're very young," is all the cat says at first, and its eyes still don't blink or look away. Natsume's breath catches a little, but even so he drops the youkai a moment later.

"Get away from me," he tells it sternly.

"It's been a while since I visited Reiko. I think I'll hang around until she gets back," the cat replies, but it rubs up against his legs as it does so. Natsume has to clench his hands not to pick it up and bury his face in its soft fur, even knowing what it really is. Normal animals usually don't like him at all.

But this cat is a youkai, and it follows him home, then yowls at the door until Natsume finally lets it in and gives it most of what he intended for his dinner. It stays on his heels everywhere he goes, making rude comments and trying to persuade him to give it Reiko's sake, and he's too nervous to put down the Book of Friends.

But it also curls up next to Natsume's head when he goes to sleep, and purrs quietly when his fingers slowly press against its warm fur.

Natsume sleeps that night with one hand holding the Book of Friends under his pillow, the other clinging tight to the only youkai that had ever been powerful enough to win Natsume Reiko's games – and willingly came back to play more.

He dreams of asking his grandmother, "Can I keep it?"

* * *

><p>I'm sorry it's been so long. Hopefully I haven't lost the tone and characterization of this story. Originally this chapter was difficult because I was introducing Madara, and I wanted to keep it similar to the original but there were clearly necessary differences. Natsume's reactions, for example. And of course Madara's reasoning for staying with him will be very different - this will be covered in the next chapter. I won't make any promises, but hopefully it will be out fairly soon.<p> 


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